Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Ask Tom Tuesday - Cougars

Our question today comes from Fishducky and, while she does not have her own blog, someone has DEDICATED a blog to her.

How cool do you have to be to have someone dedicate a blog to you?  I, obviously, have no idea because I am just not that cool.

What is a Fishducky?  Get the answer here:  What is a Fishducky?
Fishducky writes:

Dear Splitter.

I am a 77 year old college graduate who believes that one can never get
too much education.  Can you recommend a school for cougars?


Ask Tom Says:

I thought Splitter might have already had to resort to faking questions when he sent me this.  I still think this all might be an elaborate scheme to make me look like an idiot, but since Splitter is paying me ten bucks to give my views, I will answer.

Fishducky, you go girl.  Er….ma’am.  I think it’s great that even though there is snow on the roof, the fire in the furnace is still burning strong!  I do, however, have to question the wisdom of targeting 20 year old college boys for your amorous desires.

If the student union is to be your hunting ground, make sure the school has a good history department.  Face it, no matter how tireless your young buck might be, you are going to have to talk to him at some point.  I am not saying that all 20 year old men are idiots, but they are not going to hold the intellectual attention of such a worldly woman for long.  To you, they are going to seem stupid.

Like a wise man once said, you can’t fix stupid (sound is NOT safe for work):

If you mention the Cuban Missile Crisis and the young man thinks that is a stomach disorder caused by Taco Bell, you might have a communication problem.

If he thinks John Wayne must be Lil Wayne’s brother, you might have a communication problem.

If you talk about the Bay of Pigs and that reminds him of his last pool party at the Pi Delta Moo-Moo sorority house, you might have a communication problem.

My strong suggestion to you is that you not fool around with the twenty-somethings.  Maybe set you sights on their fifty-something professors.  After all, even though you can’t fix stupid, you can fix some things with a little blue pill.  You reading me on this Fishducky?  Anything lasting more than four hours is a party, just beware of chaffing and heart murmurs.

If you do insist on pursuing those college boys, I think you will find that most people will not hold it against you.  Even though people look askance (that was my word for the day!) at young women who date older men and think they are only doing it to rob the old guy of all of his money, society has accepted the modern day cougar.  It is perfectly fine for older women to date younger men.  After all, it is much easier for 21 to go into 77 than for 77 to go into 21…

I hope that helps,

Disclaimer:  Views expressed here do not represent the views of the owners of this site, or even polite society at large.  Views presented here are solely those of Tom Crayder, star of the BEST SELLING series, The Crayder Chronicles.  Blame him.


  1. A High School in Utah recently had the name Cougars rejected as their name/mascot because middle aged women might find it offensive.
    I guess it's these same women that get offended every time Bringham Young takes the field for a sporting event as well.
    Now, obviously this is a High School and not a college, however if the 77 year old Cougar is looking for a school to go to I suggest she might want to take a detour to this putrid little town and show them all that Cougar is not something to be offended by, but something to be proud of and wore like a badge of honor.
    Also, it would be nice if someone pointed out the differences between an animal cougar and a Woman Cougar.

    article for reference.

  2. Too funny..Loved it. I love Fishducky's style going after the young ones. Great answer Tom. Thank goodness for the little blue pills. Hey those college professors would be a great ride for her. You never know Fishducky could start cruising the drunken frat house parties..get a boy drunk enough..

  3. Dear Splitter & Tom--Why 50 year olds? I've always felt that something worth doing was worth doing well. It was a (semi) moot question, anyway--my 79 year old husband doesn't approve of me dating. Do you think he would believe I was just babysitting those 20 year olds?

  4. Thank you for the responses so far lol.

    Fishducky, the babysitting aspect might work! Worth a shot at least...


  5. God I love the both of you.
    Tom has met his match with Fishducky!!!!

  6. Great Q/A with 2 epic personalities!

  7. Great Q/A with 2 epic personalities!

  8. Apparently, so epic I posted twice.

  9. Hahahaha love! Also as a 22 year old in college in the history department, the guys in the history department aren't all that mature -_-

  10. LOL! This was a great post! I totally forgot, another fail for the week. Nonetheless, this is amazing, you really hit it on the head. Communication and maturity would be quite the problem. If you happen to find one that does fit this, I say go for it (well if you weren't married) LOL! Awesome post, definitely brought a smile to my face. Thank you for sharing :)

  11. Jenn--How could I possibly be a match for Tom? He's so big & sexy & strong & sexy handsome & sexy & I'm just a little old lady! Who's your Momma, big boy? Did I mention he was sexy?

  12. Great post!! I tried to post yesterday but blogger hated me. lol.

  13. Cambria, Blogger hates everyone randomly lol.

    Fishducky, you are AWESOME! Thanks for being a good sport.

    Thanks for all the responses, people!


  14. The PERFECT combo LOL!! This is awesome :0)