Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Ask Tom Tuesday: How to Lose a Man in Less Than Five Minutes

Our question today comes from my buddy Jenn over at Indie Supporter. You can get your literary crack fix there, ya know.  OH!  And she does Monday Mandays.  While you would think that would not interest me, the past two Mondays have featured hawt women including my number one "kitchen pass" selection, Jennifer Anniston.  You can't hear my guttural growl, but it's happening as I type this...

That's the set up here, people. I gotta run now and battle the Amazon forces...

Jenn asks:
Why do guys continue to hit on a chick even when she's made it crystal clear she wants NOTHING to do with a man that way or even a relationship.

Tom Writes:
 Dear Jenn:

Have you ever seen Lady and the TrampAs Good as it Gets?  What about Top Gun?  Are you with me here, Goose?

We are taught from a young age that if we try hard enough, in the end we will get the girl. How many movies and books start out with the girl not liking the guy and, by the end, falling in love with him. Or, at least getting him some. It's a theme that has been around forever.

There is even an old saying that goes: The man chases the woman until she catches him.

Read that line again because I did not make a mistake in typing it. It implies that women that are interested will still play hard to get. They will work their spider-like games in the man's head until his whole world depends on getting her. Than, and only then, is he worthy of her attention.

I'm not saying it is right, just that people are taught these things early and the concept is reinforced throughout their lives.

Are men to blame? Sure. They fall prey to that thinking AND they have egos (wow, typing that made me want Eggo waffles all of a sudden...). “How can you not like me? Women love me! Hundreds! Well, maybe dozens. Eh, maybe just that chick in band camp with the flute. But still, you MUST like me...you just don't know me well enough YET to realize it.”

Never underestimate the power of the male ego. You can estimate male egos by counting the gold chains around his neck or by determining the distance required to smell his Axe products.

Ahhh, but you also have to blame your sisters for perpetuating this little game. A lot of women play the game like maestros. Many have also bought into the myth. “If he wants me, he is going to have to work for me.” Ever heard that?

I admit, I have participated in the game. When I was young, of course. I mean, I have been married to Jenny for a bunch of years and I don't mess with women anymore...ahem.

Men, I am going to give you a hint here: show your interest and if it is not accepted, just walk away. There is probably a game going on even if she likes you and, let's face it, you are not equipped to play it. Move on to the next target. That drives women NUTS! You might even find that they chase you AFTER you have moved on. Opt out of the game.

Here is my tip for women: No games. Do you want a man that respects you and will be true to you? Don't play games with his head because you will screw him up so much that he won't be a guy you want to be with. But, if he sees that you are not playing a game, you will go up ten notches in his head. You will blow his mind.

Here is a tip for everyone: Women can ask guys out too. Really! They don't have to bat eyelashes and “give the look from across the bar.” They can walk right up and ask a guy out. They WILL get an honest reaction because there is a decent chance that the guy has never been asked out before.

Everyone needs to give up the power games.

You, Jenn, are a victim of the game. Not that YOU are playing the game, but that the guy(s) THINK you are playing the game. They just don't know any better and they don't believe that you are taking a blow on the sidelines instead of putting your helmet on and running into the huddle (in thinking about that, you might be tempted to use the football metaphor with guys to make them understand, but don't use the word blow because you know how that makes us confused).

If you do not want to take the time to explain it all to the man, just pull the lesbian card. That rarely works right off the bat because we think, “Cool! Me too! I have always dreamed of a woman like you. Invite a friend, I can handle it.” However, once you convince them that you do not like men at all, the attraction goes away. TRUST ME! Been there, done that, bought the tee-shirt, wound up cuffed to a bed with a gun in my face. Birkenstocks will help sell the lie. Hiking boots might work too. And flannel. Lots of flannel.

There is another option to turn a man off. But, it is the nuclear option. Early on, ask him how many kids he wants. Tell him you want a lot of them and that you don't believe in birth control. Then ask him what he does for a living and how well it pays.

As Rita Rudner said: Sometimes, they leave skid marks.



  1. Dear Tom--In response to your VERY long & detailed answer--"Oh."

  2. Omg love it. Epic! Thanks for picking me! This is something that drives me freaking nuts!!!!!
    I don't pull the lesbian card, I just tend to go bitch if they don't get it.

    On a side note: I have asked guys out, I've even initated the first kiss.
    When I want something I go for it.

    1. Jenn....are you saying that your "bitch" is not strong enough to turn off these guys?

      Either your "bitch" is having a bad month (normally, it is strong when you turn it on) or you must really have it going on in the pheromones department.

      You go girl! :)