Wednesday, February 29, 2012

I Dropped Into Dale's Place

I dropped into Dale's place today:  Dale's Place .

I went for more of a serious tone there and explained some things about the books.

And if that disappoints you, I'll tell you this:

The last time I went to a place called "Dale's Place," it was a redneck bar in a rural Maryland town.  The whole cast from "Deliverance" was there shooting pool, playing darts, and telling things like "YEEEEHAWWW!" and it was Karaoke night...

Anyway, against the advice of my then girlfriend, I ordered a cheeseburger.  "You never order food in a place like this!"  Well, I did.  And it tasted good.

By the time we got back to my place, she was feeling "randy" and my stomach was churning.  She went off to do whatever it is that women do beforehand, and as soon as she left the room, I...well, five minutes later when she came back, whatever I did was still lingering.  I thought it was gone, you know how that goes.  It was like she ran into a wall.  She gagged, choked, and barred me from the bedroom for the night.  MY bedroom.  So I went to sleep on the couch.

I woke up with a dead bat in my "bed."  No lie.  I freaked and did the nekkid "EWWW!" dance before realizing that if she saw knew about the dead bat, that would be the last night she spent in my house.  So I threw it away and kept my mouth shut.

That evening, I told my internet friends and they pointed out that the bat could have rabies.  Ugh.  So I dug it out of the trash and called Animal Control that next morning.

Me:  "Hello, I woke up with a bat in my bed..."
Animal Control Lady:  "Sir, we are not concerned about your personal life..."  She laughed at her own joke and told me to bring it in.  Apparently, this is NOT a rare occurrence and that's her favorite line.  Ha-freakin'-ha.

No rabies, though it was a tense couple of days.  Worse than waiting for the test results from the clinic after.  I called the exterminator who came out to check on my bat problem.  Sure enough, there were hundred roosting (do bats roost?) in the attic.  "The get rid of them!" I told him.

"Can't," he said while scratching his chin, "Bats are protected for another MONTH.  After that, I can put a one way door on their exit route, but I can't harm them even then."

It was a long month and a couple more bats found there way into my KITCHEN.  I dispatched them with a hockey stick and baseball glove (well?  What would you do??).  I mean, I like bats, but I don't want to sleep with them or eat with them.

On our last morning in the house, I came clean and told my girlfriend about the bat incident.  Her eyes drifted to the corners of the room as tears streaked down her face.  "Why didn't you TELL ME!"

"Because I knew that if I did, you would never stay here again."

See how men will lie to keep having sex?  We are married now, by the way :).

Let's hope this trip to Dale's Place turns out better than the last  Errr, I mean, let's hope no bats show up in people's beds, not that marriage thing, that is working out great :).

With that in mind....sleep tight!



  1. From Dale's Place:

    I am a big Splitter fan & I devoured the first two CRAYDER books--& I'm looking forward to the third! This was his best interview to date!!!

  2. "This interview is Fishducky approved!" :)


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