Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Ask Tom Tues--WEDNESDAY. (Yeah, Wednesday because I was too busy yesterday)

Today's question comes from me as I indulge in a bit of writer-navel-gazing. Writers need their characters to grow in some way, to change. Readers need it too and that's one of the reasons a character may or may not be interesting. So saying, I would note that the growth and/or change does not have to be for the better.

Were all of Bilbo's changes for the better? Is Jason Bourne all warm and cuddly now? How about Thelma and Louise? The journey is the interesting part of the change, not the outcome.

So I asked Tom Crayder: What have you learned during your two book journey thus far?

I hoped for some insight from my main character. He has, at times, shown a capacity for introspection. What I got was this.

Tom Says:

What have I learned since Splitter began chronicling (see whut I did thar?) my adventures? That's easy. Never trust a woman.

I can hear you all now, “But, Tom! Isn't Jenny a woman? Don't you trust her?”

Yes, Jenny is a woman...and what a woman she is!  I do trust her. But, she is also my wife so that takes her out of the conversation. I trust my wife more than I distrust the woman. Sure, she tries to manipulate me at times and she knows all of the buttons to push on me more than any other woman. The neat thing is that I don't mind. Her interests suit mine and we are on the same team.

Plus, she is usually right. That's what I have learned from being married all these many years. Her judgment is better than mine in most cases. So, if she decides to make me a great breakfast and follows it up with some special treatment so that I don't forget an important date, I am all for it. She makes great eggs and it's a win/win situation.

What gets ME in trouble is trusting other women. I will admit, my head can sometimes be turned by a pretty face or nice legs or interesting eyes or cleavage or...well, you get the picture. Every time one of them starts batting their eyes in my direction, I end up being someone's hostage. My interests do not usually coincide with these those of these other women.

And none of them make me eggs or follow through on those unspoken promises. It's a one way street and I am always headed in the wrong direction because they keep switching the sign. Sometimes, it even gets rather dangerous.

Therefore, I have decided to switch off that portion of my brain. It can take up residence right next to those parts devoted to algebra and synchronized swimming. I shall no longer be subject to either my loins (is that supposed to be plural?) or my need to provide assistance to those in distress. They can all kiss my ass.

As a matter of fact, I am now taking great pleasure in ignoring beautiful women. Just today, I walked into a liquor store (it happens more than you would think) and was assaulted by two young women in shorty-shorts and tight t-shirts trying to get me to sample their wares. Of course, what they wanted me to sample was the beer they were representing and not anything else. That sort of overt attempt to appeal to my baser instincts now ticks me off.

I said “no thank you” to the young ladies and sought to go about my business of finding Jenny's favorite vodka so we could sip cocktails while watching the newest Game of Thrones episode. That always works out well for me, especially when Hodor goes full frontal (Hodor must be Old Valyrian for 'you'll poke your eye out').

Anyway, my disinterest really seemed to bother the young lady who asked. The look on her face said, “Wait! You are old and paunchy and I am young young and beautiful. I know you like beer, just look at that gut. How canst thou refuse me?” Okay, I may have added the archaic English in there, but the look was unmistakable.

To this beautiful young girl, the world is her oyster. A smile, a hair flip, and a bit of thigh probably get her through most situations. She could be a triple major carrying a 4.2 GPA, but she feels the need to fall back on her looks as an easy way to get one over on men.

That attitude just burns me up now that I have changed. It disrespects her as a person and it disrespects men because it implies that men are all ruled by their libido.

The good news is that the beer was tasty. A little too much with the hops but Kim, turns out that was her name, warned me about that ahead of time so I was prepared for it.  The case was on sale, too!

Turning over my new leaf,

Disclaimer: Just...facepalm.


  1. Tom, you are SO predictable--but, then again, you ARE a man! Glad you enjoyed the beer.

  2. Archaic English is my downfall as well, Tom, canst thou tellith?

  3. I would have left with two cases whether I liked the beer or not.

    Damn women and their attractiveness always getting me in trouble when I'm trying to mind my own business.

  4. Tom, your new leaf is working! You left with the beer instead of Kim.

  5. Yeah, me too, Jenn:) lmao is a normal thing when visiting this blog!